I made it! 3
years ago I saw the Eating Disorders International Conference 2016 advertised
on a poster at the front door of the specialist eating disorder unit I was
voluntarily admitted to at the time. I was desperate to go because I wanted to
learn more about the illness I was suffering with, but more significantly, I
just wanted to meet other people that would know exactly what I was going
through! I knew that the conference was not going to be discussing any magic
cures, but I hoped that if I attended then I would at least be able to hear of
some positive treatment developments or stories of hope; but unfortunately, the
cost of the tickets was so expensive and if I am honest, treatment became so
intense that it soon became a distant memory.
Fast forward a
couple of years and whilst planning Sheffield Hallam SU Student Minds’
involvement in Beat’s Sock It to Eating Disorders campaign, an advertisement
for Eating Disorders International Conference 2018 caught my eye. As soon as I
saw the line up of keynote speakers, short papers and workshops I was desperate
to go. There were so many amazing researchers, clinicians and individuals with
lived experience attending that I wanted to listen, learn and talk to people that
are just as passionate as I am about raising awareness of eating disorders. If
anybody knows my parents, you will know that as soon as I mentioned the
conference, there was absolutely no way that I was not going to be attending.
If anybody doesn’t know my parents, then firstly, I am sorry because they are
the most amazing people that you will ever meet, but secondly, they believe
that every opportunity is just that, an opportunity, which is why they so
kindly enabled me to attend!
I can honestly
say that I have never left an event feeling so enthused, motivated and
fascinated. At the end of both days I walked away feeling so incredibly
passionate about this field and wanting to start a career supporting
those that are suffering. Hearing of individuals that have spent their
whole lives devoted to researching eating disorders, developing treatment
methods or investigating the risk factors for developing the illness was awe
inspiring; I wanted to thank each and every one of them for everything that
they do! I have always been thankful of professionals for their
role in my recovery and I think that this conference showcased the role that
they have exceptionally well. However, what I thought was the most important
message of the event, and what I am going to focus this blog post on, is the
role of the carer in the treatment of somebody suffering with an eating
disorder.
I am not lying
when I say that as soon as I returned to my hotel room, I rang my parents and
repeatedly thanked them for everything. To this day, I still have flashbacks
about some of the aggressive tantrums that I had or the lies I
told them and I feel overwhelmed with guilt. I remember accusing them of
putting fat in my food, ‘victimising’ me by serving a larger portion size
or watching their every move in the kitchen. It makes me feel ashamed and I
cannot imagine how hard I made their life. However, this conference made me put
myself in the role of a carer in that situation and although I still felt
incredibly guilty, it did make me realise that actually, this was not me and
that I was not the only person in the world at that time causing this kind of
tension within a household. Whilst on the phone to my parents after the first
day at the conference, we actually discussed which kind of animals they
embodied following the theories of the wonderful Janet Treasure in her book ‘Skills-based Learning for Caring for a Loved One
with an Eating Disorder: The New Maudsley Method’! I think that these kinds of discussions
have been crucial in my recovery because it makes me realise that my parents
tried so hard to understand what I was going through and that has enabled them
to acknowledge that I never intended to cause them any pain, it was just my way
of dealing with the horrific situation I was experiencing in my head at that
time.
This was actually the second keynote
speech of the whole conference, but it is the one that has resonated with me
the most- the role of fathers in the treatment of anorexia nervosa. I think my
Mum will admit that she really took charge of my treatment, whether that was
taking me to appointments or helping me with meal planning. But I think she
will also agree that she was a little bit of a jellyfish- too much emotion!
This often caused me to become angry and upset, which originally stemmed from
the way I was feeling about myself but then Mum’s reaction would heighten everything because I hated the fact that my behaviours were
distressing her! So it would often become a vicious circle of escalated
emotions, consequently causing me to inflict more harm to myself because I
could not deal with everything that I was doing and the impact it was having on
my loved ones. However, this is where my Dad comes in…
Dad was a little bit more of a cross between a St
Bernard and a Rhino- he was calm and compassionate but did not let the
eating disorder win. I will admit, most of the time I hated this because I knew
he was right! But I needed this type of support to help reduce my continuously
escalating reactions and stabilise my emotions. Even now, I remember a few days
before I begged for a bed in hospital, I sat curled up on my Dad’s knee crying
and I told him that I could not do it any more. With his arms wrapped around
me, he instilled hope in me, whispering that he knew I could. At that moment,
that was exactly what I needed- a calm, soothing, familiar voice convincing me
that I was going to through it.
Reflecting on the role of a carer has
made me think so much more about how important they are in a sufferer’s
recovery. I think this has really highlighted to me how much more support
carers need to be offered, at all stages! Firstly, they need to be educated
about what to look out for and how to deal with starting a conversation about their
concerns. Secondly, they need to be well informed about all of the support
options available for their loved one and they need to be offered support for
themselves! Finally, they need to be aware of what recovery looks like and how
they can support their loved one throughout every stage. I think this is so
crucial within any support network, not only for the sufferer’s wellbeing, but
also for their wellbeing.
There was so much that I learnt at
this conference and it would be impossible for me to be able to reflect on
every single piece of knowledge I gained. However, I just want to thank Beat
and all of the organisers of this amazing conference. Also, I want to give a
special thank you to all of the Beat ambassadors and volunteers- speaking to
you during the 2 day event has made me feel incredibly inspired to continue
with my efforts to support others and raise awareness of eating disorders. I hope I can attend the next conference in the near future!
Don't forget our petition!
We still need as much support as possible to try and initiate action to be taken on the access and use of websites/blogs that encourage harmful mental health related behaviours. Please add your signature and share it around:
https://petition.parliament.uk/petitions/213893
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