One Positive Outcome at a Time...

I was going to start this post by saying “I know this sounds crazy”, or “you are going to think I am stupid”, but do you know what, I really could not care less what people think. Due to my personal experiences of living with this illness, and the difficulties I had with trying to find help, I have decided that I want to pursue a career in the medical and care profession. To help me along this path, it became apparent that I would have to consider going back to university in order to enhance my knowledge in the specific field that I want to enter. I spent a lot of time thinking about this, particularly considering how my past experience in this academic venture was not a successful one, I had to take careful consideration into whether I wanted to do it again.

I thought back to how I was mentally before I started university the first time, and speaking to my parents, it was highlighted that I really wasn’t well at all, but we just wasn’t aware of it. I was already riding the slippery slope down into poor health, and at that point, there was nothing that could be done to stop me. I have looked into the frame of mind I was in at that point in time, and compared it to where I am now. I have definitive goals, I have a focus and most importantly I have a passion. This time I am ready. I know what went wrong, I know how to cope and I know how to create a balance in my life. My therapy will continue right up until I go, and I will ask for support when I need it. I am not going to let this illness grasp on to another inch of my life as I push myself to progress forward and help change the lives of others that are affected. In order to do this, I applied to study a BSc Nutrition and Public Health at Sheffield Hallam University. I attended the Open Day on Sunday and I spent the whole time grinning from ear to ear. The course sounds fascinating, and I was completely engrossed in every aspect that I was shown. I realised that this course isn’t just going to help me into an exciting and varied career; it is also going to give me so much knowledge about a topic that has been so distorted in my mind from my past- the link between food and health. As soon as we got home I sent off my application and I have come home this evening to see that I have got an unconditional offer! I couldn’t be happier, and even though I know that everybody will be thinking I have just took the biggest risk of my life, well my answer to that is, you don’t know if you don’t try. I am certain that I would have spent the rest of my life thinking about everything that I could have done if I hadn’t have pushed myself to take this step forward; and I don’t want to live my life like that.

I am struggling to find the words to describe exactly how I am feeling at moment. The one at the forefront of my mind is excitement, but this is tinged with a complex mix of apprehension, uncertainty and disbelief. The fear of going back to university and having a repeat episode of before is playing on my mind, but I have to consider just how much of a better place I am in now. I think in all honesty, whilst I have been waiting for a response from the university, I have been more worried how other people will view the decision I have made; but not now. Everybody close to me knows how much I want to help others, and whether that be an individual with an eating disorder, or providing advice to those in deprived countries; who knows which path I may be diverted down whilst studying, and that excites me. The main thing is that I will be doing something that I want to do, not what I think I should be doing in order to exceed everybody’s expectations. I know how much of a challenge this is going to be for me, and I know that it may not be a smooth ride, but if it isn’t, I will have the strength to seek advice and view the bigger picture as to where this course will take me in the future.

'Difficult roads often lead to beautiful destinations.'