Last night I found myself lying in bed crying; not with
tears of sadness, but tears from feeling overwhelmed. See, last night, I did
not just win the Sheffield Hallam Students’ Union award for Outstanding
Contribution to Student Welfare, I also had a moment of incredible realisation.
How did I end up in this position? How have I found myself living a life where
not only am I waking up every morning loving what I do, but now I am winning an
award of recognition for it? It is something that I cannot seem to justify
deserving.
Being invited to attend the SHSU Awards Night 2017 was an amazing
opportunity and something I never envisaged myself having the pleasure of
attending, never mind being in the running to receive one of the awards! As
each award was presented, I was absolutely in awe of the students that had been
nominated. I think a lot of the time, students are perceived as being lazy and
unfocused; well had you have attended this ceremony last night, I think their beliefs
would have been completely turned around. Hearing anecdotes of the most
successful campaigns, student-led groups, volunteering projects and social
enterprises was outstanding and incredible inspiring. As a student myself, I
could not believe that I was a part of this fantastic community of people that
were all striving to make a positive change, and I guess that was the moment
when a burst of realisation struck…
This time 2 years ago I found myself stuck in the viscous
cycle of pleading for help, assessments and rejection for my eating disorder. I
was at my weakest both mentally and physically. I was living a life, but not
living the life that I wanted. Every day my thoughts were consumed with food,
over-exercising, calorie counting, label checking and fear. I could not
concentrate or focus on a task without looking at the clock to indicate when
the next snack or meal was due. The enthusiasm and motivation I had for life
was sucked out of me, taking most of my ambition and interests with it. Every
day I was taking a step back towards a dark hole that snatched away my ability
to think rationally, my feelings of self-worth and most tragically, my
relationship with family and friends. It was at that very thought when I looked
up and heard the Students’ Union Welfare and Community Officer reading out a
speech of a young woman who has dedicated her time to fundraising for mental
health charities, blogging about her eating disorder, chosen as a story for
International Women’s Day 2017 and founded Sheffield Hallam SU Student Minds;
and that was when it suddenly dawned on me how far I have come. It goes without
saying that I did not reach this point without the support of the most
beautiful people in my life today- old friends, new friends and my amazing
family.
I know that when most people are nominated and when an
award, the speech goes something like: “I never thought I would win this
award!” or “I cannot believe I was even nominated for this!” But you have to
trust me when I say, that I genuinely never expected this to happen. As I
mentioned in the opening paragraph to this blog post, I cannot seem to justify
winning this. When I think of somebody winning an award, I imagine that they
have gone out of their way and worked hard towards receiving this level of recognition.
But to me, this is my life. I enjoy every moment of what I do, whether that is
sharing my story, talking to and supporting others or fundraising for a
charity. There is nothing I want more from my life than to see other people
receiving the help and support that they need, and going on to thrive within
their own lives. I cannot imagine my life without these activities being a part
of it; it is what makes me wake up every morning and fight my own personal
battles.
Winning this award, however difficult I fathom to justify,
means the absolute world to me. Not only has it shown me that I may be having
more of an impact than I thought, but it has given me the drive and belief that
no matter what happens academically at university, I know that I will be
leaving here in a few years time with the knowledge that I have tried my best
to make a positive difference to this around me. I want to thank those that
nominated me to receive this award, the Students’ Union for the opportunities
they have given me this year, and most importantly, I want to thank my amazing
friend Amber for sharing that special moment with me.
‘Start where you are. Use what you have. Do what you can.’
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